Where is the love?

Discovering the true source of love.

Photo courtesy of Brigitte Tohm

Photo courtesy of Brigitte Tohm

Here's a popular blog from my archives just in time for Valentines Day:

Valentine's Day.

It's here.

And with it comes the anticipation and expectation of tokens of love. 

And it seems as if our heart will live or die based on this outcome.

Receive a token.

Bliss; our heart seems whole and full of love.

Receive no token.

Agony; our heart seems broken and devoid of love.

It seems simple and clear-cut.

Like a diamond.

Not so fast.

For often, the true test in this game of love begins upon receiving a token.

It becomes a test of...

how much we are loved...

how well we are loved...

how deeply we are loved.

And this test has evolved over time...very much influenced and shaped by what we see and hear.

Hallmark cards, for example, advises people to use their product, "when you care enough to send the very best."  

Kay Jewelers'suggests, "every kiss begins with Kay."

And De Beers diamond mining company offered the brilliant and subliminal slogan, "Diamonds are forever."

We are literally inundated with messages suggesting that the quality of love expressed is reflected in the quality of the token received.

And so, it is no wonder that upon receipt of said token...we quickly move from glee to scrutiny as we conduct a thorough analysis of the quality of the token. 

While I am reticent to admit this, ladies, I think it fair to own up to our gender's near proficient ability to engage in this kind of internal dialogue (certainly more so in our early years of love). See if the following internal dialogue doesn't sound somewhat familiar:

"Wow. He got me a card AND flowers. I knew he loved me! But, you know...I don't think the card really counts because all he did was sign his name to it. He didn't even write anything extra. And honestly, the flowers...not my favorite. I'm pretty sure I've told him that a thousand times. Does he not listen? Well...maybe he listens but he just doesn't care. OMG. That's it. He doesn't care enough to listen. He just got me the card and flowers because he thinks he's supposed to. I bet he picked them up at the drug store on the way home. Completely last minute. How could I be such a fool? I thought he loved me.  He doesn't love me. If he did he would know to write something in the card besides his name and he would definitely know my favorite flower. OMG. I think we need to break up."

How did we go from a place of feeling loved and happy to a place of feeling unloved and unhappy?


if we are to believe the messaging from Hallmark and Kay Jeweler and De Beers...we would say that the token received is responsible for our feelings.

Or rather, the quality of the token received is responsible for our feelings.

The truth, however, is far simpler.

The truth is that our thinking is responsible for our feelings.

It has nothing to do with the quality of the token and everything to do with the quality of our thinking.

And...Hallmark, Kay Jeweler and De Beers count on the power of thought when crafting their clever slogans.

Say it enough times...hear it enough times...see it enough times...and it begins to ring true...

And if we are not aware that thought creates our feelings...

we can literally think ourselves right out of a good mood. 

In fact, we do it all the time.

All. The. Time.

So remember, on this day of Love...

your feeling about

the day

the gift

the gesture

the card

the flowers

has nothing to do with

the day

the gift

the gesture 

the card

the flowers

and everything to do with your thinking about

the day

the gift

the gesture

the card

the flowers.

In the words of a CLASSIC Captain and Tennille song, 

"Look in my heart and let love, keep us together. Whatever."

Your feelings of love are always and forever created from within.

Happy Valentine's Day, with love ;) Lana

Lana Bastianutti