the green eyed monster
discovering the truth beyond envy
We've all been struck by feelings of envy or jealousy at one time or another in our lives.
This most potent of emotions was brilliantly and viscerally explored in the 1985 movie, Amadeus, through the eyes of Antonio Salieri, a court composer in 18th century Vienna who also happened to be an older contemporary of the musical genius Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
As film critic Roger Ebert suggests, "the curse of Salieri was to have the talent of a third-rate composer but the ear of a first-rate music lover."
Throughout the movie, Salieri is consumed by envy for Mozart's effortless gift whilst cursing his own mediocrity.
He questions why God would give him such a ferocious desire to make music whilst not bestowing upon him equal ability.
Salieri determines that God must be torturing him to have kept him alive long past the death of Amadeus.
For in doing so, Salieri is forced to witness the extinction of his own musical contributions while watching the ever increasing reverence for the masterpieces of Amadeus.
In Salieri's mind, to be loved by God means that he is to be chosen as his one true instrument; in this regard Salieri feels utterly humiliated and shamed for his lacking.
Many of us can relate to Salieri's pain - feeling that we too have been issued the short end of the stick in many regards.
As a result, we find ourselves lacking...and looking at all that has been bestowed upon others.
In our lowest of times, we determine that,
as a whole,
Not Good Enough
This painful thought is borne of a scarcity mindset fostered by a world which reinforces the notion that
where one wins another must lose,
where one has much another must go without,
where one succeeds another must fail,
where one is blessed another is cursed.
We continually place ourselves in an either/or situation and then paint our whole lives with this same brush.
We buy into the lie and believe the illusion.
But what if there was another way to see this?
Rob Bell, on his Robcast (podcast) spoke beautifully to this issue suggesting we turn our gaze away from the illusion of our thoughts and judgements and instead toward "our deepest level of being."
As Rob explains,
"everything within you wants to reflect a referendum on your lack...on your worthiness...but in the deepest level of our being...in the divine realm...that flows through us...We are fine...
exactly as we are."
There is nothing we can do, be or have that will affect our deserving of Love and acceptance and joy in this realm...it is only our thoughts that make it seem otherwise.
Love and acceptance and joy is infinite and as such cannot be parsed or divided or withheld.
In this realm...there is no lacking or longing or looking...for we are ALL undeniably, beautifully and equally Loved...
EXACTLY as we are.
It is only in accepting this deeper truth, that, unlike poor Salieri, we can end our suffering and searching.
The question is...can you accept the truth?