It was only a dream

how dreams can show us the role of thinking in our lives

Photo courtesy of Adam Grabek

Photo courtesy of Adam Grabek

Years ago I had a dream that left me in a cold sweat.

I dreamt that my husband was partaking in some pretty serious flirting with a mystery woman that had neither name nor face.

When I awoke, I remember feeling relief that it was only a dream.

Within about a second, however, the feelings of betrayal and anger and hurt that I'd experienced in my dream landed with a thud upon my heart.

As I lay in bed,

I began to mull over the dream.

I began to analyze its content and wonder at its meaning.

I began to query my next steps if such a thing were to happen in real life.

Soon enough, all of my analysing and wondering and querying resulted in a big heaping pot of messy, sticky, angry thought-stew.

I was literally stewing in my thoughts over something that was only a dream.

When my husband came in the room with a smile and a "Good morning," I could barely mumble a response, let alone look at him.

I knew enough, at that time, to realize that what was happening to me (in my mind and in my heart), didn't make "logical" sense.

At the same time, however, I couldn't seem to shake the feelings and the story of betrayal that I had nurtured upon waking.

Recognizing the dilemma of my conflicted mind, I decided to come clean to my husband by stammering,

 "This isn't going to make any sense but I just had a dream that you were flirting with some nameless faceless woman and even though it was just a dream, I am seriously angry and a little disgusted with you right now. In fact, I don't think I can even look at you."

My husband burst out laughing.

Not the best response...but I could definitely see HIS dilemma as well as the humor of the situation.

When cooler heads prevailed, we were both able to marvel at the state I had deftly and single-handedly put myself in.

This story illustrates the fact that we live in separate psychological


with its own version of truth related to

other people,



life's events...

and always, 

but always, 

reflecting our thoughts in the moment.

That is why one day we may see ourselves or other people or life's events a certain way and the next day we may see it in a completely different way.

Our psychological reality is responding to and being shaped and shifted by

our thinking in the moment.

It is from this separate reality that we respond to life every moment of the day.

My husband had done no such flirting, and yet, because of my thought-imagined reality, I responded to him from that place.

Confusion and suffering is created from misunderstanding the fact that our own reality is created from within, based on our thoughts in the moment, and may not reflect the whole 'truth'...and most certainly does not reflect the psychological reality of another.

It is only when we catch ourselves in our thought-created reality that we can loosen its grip and respond to life and others with a little more compassion, ease, and dare I say, humor.

Lana Bastianutti