that day in may (mamma mia!)

This past Mother's Day was a doozy...and not in a good way.

My kids (pictured above at a much younger age) claimed amnesia - or as I like to say, selective amnesia (sister to selective hearing, in case you were wondering).

You see...despite the plethora of social cues notifying them of the upcoming kids let the day slide like any other.

Now...I could have given them a pass given that all of our family celebrations are crammed into a 6 week period (birthdays, anniversary, mother's day and father's day)...but...well...I wasn't feeling particularly generous that particular day.

Besides, it seemed too irresistibly enticing to indulge in the thunderstorm of thoughts coming my way...once it hit me that my Mother's Day celebration was a non-event!

And so, as if partaking in a game of speed dating, I rotated through each miserable thought until I could stand neither IT

nor my indulgence of IT any longer.

Time to escape for greener pastures.


Jumping in the car, I drove with purpose.

I was headed toward my secret place; a place that nourishes my sense of peace and calm.

And while for most, it is a place to respect and revere loved ones that have passed...for me, it is a place of deep contemplation and perspective. 

Arriving, I took in the landscape that soothed my soul; softly rolling slopes of green grass, mighty trees and little critters hopping all about.

Parking my car along one of the many pathways, I took a cleansing breath.

In a sense, I felt that I had already arrived home.

At least in my mind.

Peace and calm were returning with each passing thought.

This was just what I needed.

Reflection. Contemplation. Solitude. felt good to come home to myself.

Perspective was just around the corner when I suddenly became aware of the bustle of activity around me.

My bubble of solitude quickly collapsed as I registered the comings and goings of various groups of people...all of whom were carrying flowers or plants or cards.

What was going on?

Why the steady flow of people coming and going?

Today of all days?

Well...apparently I answered my own question.

Today of all days.

Mother's Day.

The day to remember and appreciate mothers.

Even if they had passed.

Oh Gawd.

And with that dawning realization, I experienced a new cavalcade of egregious thoughts...each piggy-backing and bolstering the other.

Suddenly I was a mess of tears and laughter as I acknowledged the hilarity and irony of my situation;

seeking peace, perspective and an escape from my thoughts of Mother's Day
or lack thereof,  
I had unwittingly come to the one place... 
where my formerly fail-safe sanctuary of sanity
would be put to the ultimate test
to determine
my willingness to embrace a peaceful mind.


And so,

with a bit more laughter and through a few more tears,

I came to terms with my feelings on that day,

and more importantly,

I came to terms with my thoughts about that day

and the meaning I gave it.

And while I still love my special place...

I recognize that 

it doesn't really matter where you go.

Peace isn't found in a place.

It's found in a state of mind.

And that is something you carry within

wherever you go.


PS. My kids whisked me away on an adventure a few weeks ago for a day in celebration of Mother's Day. We have since created a new tradition of 'spontaneous celebration' whenever the mood strikes rather than a scheduled obligatory celebration.

P.P.S. They took me to a castle!!! Seems apropos, non?

Momma like-y.


Please feel free to comment and share.

Lana Bastianutti