Finding your Lobster
My husband and I have been married for 28 years but we’ve actually been together as a couple for 36 years. Gulp. That IS a long time.
Granted, we did meet in High School, so I suppose, the years do add up.
I like to think that I was one of the lucky ones; I found my lobster early on in life. That doesn’t mean, however, that we haven’t experienced our own trials and tribulations throughout our marriage and with two kids in tow. Believe me, we’ve been through a lot. But throughout it all, predominantly two things kept us together even at the most stressful of times:
We genuinely like each other as human beings.
More often than not, we give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Growing up, I tended to feel a bit shy around boys. I was never quite sure what to think of them let alone anything else. And so, when a boy fancied me, or I fancied them, I tended to feel even more self-conscious which typically manifested in one of two ways; I either became quiet and withdrawn OR super loud and excited.
It was completely different when I met my husband. While I still felt nervous energy, I also felt really ‘normal’ around him. Like I could just rest in myself and…well…be MYSELF.
It was such a gift and a sense of freedom to be able to show up without pretense and connect with another human soul in a way that revealed their humor and intelligence and kindness and where I could freely reveal mine. Such a space can’t help but foment a deep and abiding connection. And it has been this foundational connection that has allowed our genuine regard for one another to remain firmly in place no matter what is happening around us.
As a couple, we have also experienced our fair share of misunderstandings, disappointments, and miscommunications. And while, in the heat of the moment, we can all experience things like black and white thinking (he’s wrong, I’m TOTALLY right) or catastrophic thinking (that’s it, I’m done), the thing that best allowed us to see a situation and each other more clearly was giving each other the benefit of the doubt. In doing so, we could by-pass the crazy thinking low mood version of the other and speak directly to their higher self. And when you do that…magic happens. Suddenly there is space to truly see and hear the other with genuine regard, love, and compassion.
Here’s to YOU finding YOUR lobster or rediscovering the one that’s right in front of you. And see if you can build or restore a foundation of regard and the benefit of the doubt.
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