You don't Get Me
Separate Realities in a Relationship
Have you ever been to an open house out of curiosity rather than a keen interest to buy?
Years ago when my husband and I were in the market for a house, we ventured to quite a few open houses in our town. I remember being stunned at the state of some of the homes - especially since the owners had willingly and knowingly opened their doors to the prying eyes of virtual strangers.
Tsking along in my head as I shuffled from room to room, I side-eyed my husband and whispered, “I know our house isn’t always up to snuff, but I think I draw the line at leaving dirty laundry all over the floor and the house looking like it barely survived a home invasion.”
The final house we viewed was, to my utter delight, a virtual time capsule of the 1970s Brady Bunch house. It featured one bathroom with an awkwardly sized round bumblebee yellow bathtub, another replete with floor to ceiling baby pink bathroom tiles and shag pink carpeting topped off with matching pink sink, toilet, and tub, and finally, my personal favorite - a dining room wall full of 12 x 12 smokey glass mirrors. When the realtor explained that the smokey mirrors would not be included in the purchase of the home I made a valiant attempt at disappointment and wondered if the realtor felt the same way.
So what does all of this have to do with relationships?
Well, it’s an example of how easily and innocently we judge, assume, dismiss, and create misunderstanding or conflict with another.
We each experience the world in our own unique and personal way. The world isn’t coming at us. It is being created within us through how we think and feel. And as such, we live in our own particular and very separate reality of the world. And here’s the kicker…so brace yourself as it may come as a SHOCK to you…one person’s reality may not match your own. And that is why some people love stucco walls and low ceilings and others abhor it.
You see, it’s personal. Created and experienced within our own personal minds.
Often in relationships, we forget this. Or ignore it. Or steamroll right over it in our attempt to get another person to see and feel and experience the world as we do.
As my friend Robin Charbit explains, that’s like being invited into someone’s home and then rearranging their furniture (without permission) to suit your tastes. As you can imagine, it doesn’t go over well.
So, if you really want to connect with another person in a relationship, you must first understand their world with curiosity rather than judgment.
Only then could there be an invitation to help redecorate…together.
If you’re a woman who would like to end your struggle in relationships. If you’d like to understand how to unabashadedly show up comfortable in your own skin, setting clear boundaries, and free of your people-pleasing tendencies or codependency as well as your all too frequent habit of attracting unavailable men who seem to exhibit narcissistic or gaslighting traits, then you won’t want to miss our new workshop: A Brand New Way of Dating. This workshop is for any woman who wants to attract the relationship she truly desires. Early bird pricing ends December 1st. Space limited to 30 women.
Full details on the workshop can be found here:
https://www.lindafordcoaching.com/dating
As a preview, this week I participated in a webinar called “Cinderella knew SQUAT about dating”. You can view it here below: